As many of you know from my constant bragging I am a workout guy. I go to the gym regularly, I have attended the last two Arnold Fitness Expos. I take at least 10,000 steps a day, and boast endlessly about the accomplishment. If vanity were aerobic I might live forever.
Many of you also know I am a tech guy. I have an iPhone 6, an iPad (though the only time my wife lets me see that is when it needs recharged*) and a Microsoft Surface Pro 3. And the ultimate tech/fitness guy gadget; A FitBit Surge, so tracking steps taken, stairs climbed, calories burned, and resting heart rate are easily accessed and flaunted. "hey, read 'em and weep. Unless you think you are too manly to weep, then read 'em and fume with impotent envy."
It only makes sense that I develop my own fitness app. Yes, it is time for the Tech Weenie Workout or Face Ridicule app. Using the audio components of Smart Phones, Smart Watches, and Smart other things to come we are going to humiliate the country into better shape.
Next time you are jogging TWWFR will pick a song with a suitable tempo and channel it through your headphones with words of encouragement. "Don't worry about that guy behind you, he looks undead, but there is probably no such things as zombies. Whoa, he is picking up the pace, and there is definitely something unwholesome about that guy, the ghostly pallor, the jerky movements, the sickly sweet smell of death. Don't look now, but he is closing in, RUN YOU FAT BASTARD! RUN LIKE YOU ARE CHASING A DONUT!"
When you hit the gym imagine Siri, or Cortana, or Google Voice thing saying "you call that lifting? I don't call that lifting. I call that an old woman waiting on a bus." Think of the motivation, think of the effort, think of showing that snotty voice who is tough, and who is just a disembodied pain in the butt coming through earbuds.
It is in Beta now, if Beta means not started. Thanks for choosing Tech Weenie for your tech, and fitness, needs.
*We are negotiating on a new iPad now, it has reached a critical stage so legal council has instructed me not to discuss the process until an agreement has been reached, or to add Diet Cokes to her lunch that I lovingly, carefully assemble every morning, or put condiments on the sandwich I make, with affection, to put in her lovingly assembled lunch, but that is all I can say for now.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
The Newest Must Have Fitness App. For Dummies.
There is not much to say, but, for those who find any offense, please remember these are only stories, jokes, and have no relation to reality. Kind of like life.
I like life, and hope it lasts a long time, but it does require some explanation, that is why these blogs exist. To help people navigate times and events that make no sense.
Here are a few places you can find a few things.
The Original Life Explained. Where it all started, a little rambling and a lot of nothing important.
Life Explains The End Views on humanity's race to self extinction. I hope I am wrong.
Life Explains Smiles Because everybody likes it when you smile.
Life Explains Aging Getting older is not always easier, but it is worth the effort. And a few small things can make it much more pleasant.
Life Explains Traveling and Commuting Mostly commuting. Driving bugs me and working bugs me so driving to work is the ultimate insult of modern life, and I like to complain.
Life Explained Explores History. The real problem with history is there is so much of it. It is all over the place. But, if you take the time to look at the small pieces it is fascinating.
Life Explains Music Music is a universal language. I like guitar based rock and roll, but there is a little bit of a lot here.