Friday, October 23, 2015

Peaks and valleys, the story of my life.

Life is a wild ride through a tumultuous world of peaks and valleys. My doctor tells me I should avoid peaks and valleys, but they are always there, always waiting. Sometimes my doctor provides peaks and valleys in one office visit, and then complains about my blood pressure, or my facial twitch, or the way my hands shake. Man, that guy kills me. Of course I am going to be a little shaky, and twitchy, and hypertensiony (sp?) who knows what kind of  dreaded diagnosis he is going to come up with next.

Now, thanks to the internet, I do. There are dozens of web sites just waiting for you to tell them what symptoms you are experiencing, and they provide a diagnosis. Quick, painless and co-pay free.

Of course, there are peaks and valleys involved with these high tech diagnosis tools. "Flaky, dry, itchy patches of skin, occasionally inflamed, and irritating." Eczema, treat with a topical lotion, and limit exposure to temperature extremes is a peak, certainly. Anybody could handle that.

Leprosy, say goodbye to your loved ones, from a distance, move to an isolated island, and hope to perish with a little dignity. That is a valley, no matter how cheerful you normally feel.

Or, "headaches, sometimes severe, mostly mild, inconsistent, and often appearing and ending abruptly, without warning, and with no noticeable pattern." Minor dehydration, drink more water, and try to get more sleep, eat more fruits and vegetables. There is a peak in anybodies day, easy, healthy, and tasty.

Early onset zombieism, warn your friends so they will be prepared to smash your skull in before you can take a bite out of their arm. That is a serious valley, there is no good news at all there. No matter your disposition you can't put a fresh paint of coat on that future.

Of course, my doctor asked me to quit using those sites, or at least quit making appointments afterwards. You try to help a guy and what do you get, snubbed!

But, that is not what I am here to talk about. I am here to tell you about a delightful new feature on my iPhone. In the morning it will tell me how long it will take me to drive to work. When I get in the car, the screen will have a little message, "20 minutes to work" and the same for when I leave to get home. I am not sure when this started happening, one day I just noticed the helpful, little window popped up there. But, if I remember to look (and I don't always remember, I am a big picture guy and little details occasionally escape me) I know exactly what to expect. No peaks, no valleys, no errors. Even my doctor can't complain about that, probably.