Ok now to get myself out of the third person, I was fortunate enough to marry a woman who is every bit as fascinated with cleaning herself out as I am. She took it upon herself to buy one of these gems, called "The Squatty Potty" because she did a little research on it, and found that it might be a good thing. I on the other hand had only seen the Squatty Potty on World's
Now of course these things don't make you squat over the toilet like said uptight women in the public restroom, rather you sit on the toilet and it puts your knees up around your shoulders, or as I was thinking in a better position to place my elbows for reading. There was just one problem though. The second I placed my feet up on the thing about seven or eight years worth of backed up crap fell right out of me in about four seconds. I mean to be really gross (and men you will appreciate this) I only had to wipe once. Now that is a big deal when your wife has to buy the toilet paper that has the consistency of Egyptian Cotton and about the same price too. I was so impressed I told my wife to come in and look at it, which she (less than) respectfully declined.
Now of course I keep nagging the wife to order another one for upstairs, because I can't successfully use that toilet anymore. Of course the dog has been a lot happier with this and I think the two of them are conspiring against me, so that she doesn't have to fill the dog's water dish as often. In the end (or more importantly out of the end) this was probably one of the greatest technological advances since the flushable toilet (which was NOT invented by Thomas Crapper, but let's face it his name deserves credit because nobody goes to the bathroom to take a Harrington or Bramah) back in the Elizabethan era. Told you I know too much about bodily functions, but you after all read this far, so blame you for learning it.