Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The Scent of Progress

Well I am going to talk about a technological advancement that isn’t new, and in my opinion it isn’t really improvement, but it sure makes the green communists happy. For the last six years I have looked at these things every day when I go into the locker room at my gym, and it goes to show that people will do anything to be green. In this case it simply brings you back to the good old days, when you would dig a hole in the back yard and fill it up with all of your excrement, and then dig a new hole. In this instance you don’t actually dig a new hole but you have all the enjoyment of smelling everyone else’s urine that has been sprayed into it for the last 24 hours (if you are lucky and someone cleans it once a day) whenever you go to take a leak.

The “flush free” urinal just gives you that warm fuzzy feeling that only the oppression of green communism can afford you. Heaven forbid you accidentally touch this thing with any part of your body or clothing, or you could have all the enjoyment of disease that the dark ages once gave us too. Yes it is just as disgusting as you could possibly imagine, and seeing a mass of different colored pubic hairs on these things everyday is the absolute least you can do to support the conservation effort. Let us not even think that perchance the great blue sphere that we airship during the glorious holiday of “Earth Day” probably has some sort of filter of its own to separate water from urine, we enlightened few will separate water from urine for it.

As that inane sign points out, we are saving a bazillion gallons of water a year. Water that usually would be flushed down one of those cleaner, but obviously developed by Earth hating rabble, urinals only to be taken to the atom smasher and then completely obliterated from the ecosystem. Water that the earth doesn’t make, doesn’t recycle, and doesn’t even have the common intelligence to disseminate from common urine. I on the other hand have a more sanitary solution for other waste by products that I would like to share with the world, and as all great Gaia fearing environmentalist, I simply looked to nature to aid with, Beaver recycling.


You see the friend of nature, the gentle and communal beaver, is who we should look to for true recycling measures. You see a beaver doesn’t actually get the nutrients they need from the wood that they eat, so what they have to do is eat the wood, and then defecate. If it comes out green (our favorite color you know) they then eat the feces to get the nutrients that they need. If it comes out brown, then they use it to build their homes. Now there is a truly ecological animal that we should be taking seriously. I mean think of it this way, we could have an entire generation of greenies that could go from simply smelling their own farts to eating their own shit! You can thank me later once we have finally gotten the backing to force this on everyone through legislation. Progressivism is after all ideas that are so good they out to be made mandatory.