Friday, June 19, 2015

Lollipop Lollipop Oooo Lolly Lolly Lolly Lollipop

Turkey Sighting at My Place of Employment (Now That My @#$%ing Camera Works)
Well the day finally came when my little Samsung S4 had the little pop up telling me that it was slated to be stripped of its wonderful KitKat and thrown to the Lollipop. As a tech savvy type of guy who reads all of the android forums and whatnot I was looking forward to being irate and grouchy like everyone else who had been upgraded from KitKat to Lollipop, or at the very least I was looking forward to being able to finally commiserate with the masses of unhappy Lollipop users out there. Ah, to finally pull up my chair to the table with all the grownups and shed the infantile operating system that I had been plagued with for the last year, and to finally be on a really crappy OS.

Well, it did take about a half hour for the phone to be available after the restart. I was all ready to be pissed off, and then a funny thing happened. The phone had a pop-up on it telling me to update the Google Play Services. Oh yeah, here it comes, I clicked that and boom, I got another pop-up saying that the download failed. I lathered myself right up to have a huge temper tantrum, but I ruined that by noticing that I impatiently clicked the link before my WIFI had connected. When I clicked the link again the update installed quickly and efficiently, making me all that much more leery of what is obviously a plot by Google to lull me into a false sense of security about the worst OS in the history of mankind. The Internet folks wouldn’t lie about these things would they?

Well after the update installed and I opened up my phone, I experienced a much nicer interface than what was there before. The alerts were more organized and easier to deal with or swipe away if I didn’t care about them. The phone and camera buttons were now available without having to enter the password to get into the phone that seemed like a nice touch. It was obviously up to me to start using apps to see how Lollipop had screwed those up. The usual apps all seemed to work the same, there was a split screen tab so that I could run two apps at once. I tried that just so I could witness the diabolical crash that must be on the way when I had Word and Excel opened at the same time, nope, didn’t seem to slow it down a bit. Well I opened the camera to snap a picture (because the camera on this stupid phone has been a tremendous failure since I got it) and “click” it was the first good picture this camera has taken in a long freaking time. The next was too, and the next, oh my GOD Lollipop had the audacity to fix the camera software, YOU BASTARDS!

Now I was feeling like a total weirdo since Lollipop obviously figured the best way to make me feel like a freak is to work a Hell of a lot better than everyone led me to believe. How in the name of God am I supposed to hang out with the cool kids in the Android forums if I don’t have anything to complain about with the new version of Android? I feel like one of those rich kids that is forced to go EMO because GOTH is so middle class. Of course I could just go back to using my cell phone for what God intended me to, charity work. I help this band of poor disheveled birds who can’t fly without the aid of a slingshot get their eggs back from the descendents of Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.