Wednesday, May 27, 2015

If It Looks To Good to Be True You Can Get it on TV

One of the things I do while I am at the gym, is look at all the screens on the wall, and see if I get ideas on what to write about. Of course it is two in the morning, so the ideas are rather limited. There are a few news channels recycling what they reported on the day before, a few sports stations recycling the sports information I missed while I was asleep, and the rest are dedicated to infomercials for God knows what by God knows who. I’d like to use some of my practical experience (as a junky) to explain to you all that watch these infomercials with a little drop of drool hanging from your lip, how you really should be watching these things.

You need to immediately think to yourself, “Does this really look like it will work?” I mean I see all kinds of different “exercise” videos and equipment being sold in infomercials, and sometimes wonder what people are thinking when they order these things? I assure you that a majority of the video workouts by popular fitness trainers will work; assuming that you have what it takes to work the programs. Most people up at two am watching infomercials aren’t exactly the test audience I would use if I wanted to do a study on diet and exercise. Seriously the first thing I notice in the before and after pictures is, “wow, this program gave them a tan and a smile!” I notice this with the make-up and hair stuff that will make you prettier too. It’s a gimmick trick, so you may want to pay attention to those things.

Another issue in the, “Does this really look like it will work?” camp is the shoddy construction. Again this is really prevalent in the exercise equipment. I saw this one last night which actually made me want to order one, and thankfully I had time to think about it. It was this little ladder climber looking thing, that is probably cheap and it sure would fit under your bed, but damn it couldn’t handle a person’s weight for long. I mean as great as the thing probably would be for a sixty pound 10 year old girl, for a 200+ lb adult, that poor thing would crumple under the pressure pretty quickly. On that note I don’t think the sixty pound 10 year old girl is the target audience either. What about that little home gym that Chuck Norris and Christy Brinkley are trying to sell you? Yeah another thing that looks great when someone healthy uses it, but a 200+ lb adult trying to work their lethargic muscles with that girth? Not hardly my friends, sorry.

I actually own a Bowflex. I don’t use it, but I own it. I bought it used, and paid too much for it. I thought it was the solution to all my problems and what it is, is the problem to all my solutions. It takes up too much room and it gives me a crappy workout, not to mention it gives my wife something to point at and give me a hard time about my impulse control issues. She’s right, but it doesn’t mean I like to hear it. Don’t be like me folks. When you see the newest thing from Nordic Track or Bowflex, or any of the other companies that have been selling health at the expense of an “easy payment plan” stop for a minute and think about the things they used to sell. You don’t see infomercials for that crap anymore do you? Probably because they bilked all those suckers and now they are coming for YOU!